Stylized illustration of a female entrepreneur in front of a large mobile phone, with likes and emojis floating between them—depicting the emotional boundary of social media marketing.

You know how, once you start noticing a questionable pattern, you suddenly see it everywhere?

That happened to me this past spring, and it made me uncomfortable enough to pull back almost entirely from much of my usual outreach—namely Instagram and my newsletter—to sort things out.

What I was noticing was the widespread intentional creation of parasocial relationships by more than a few coaches in their marketing efforts.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, a parasocial relationship is a one-sided dynamic where one person invests emotional energy, interest, and time into someone who does not reciprocate—or may not even know they exist.

(Think: You know all about an influencer’s upcoming surgery, yet you’ve never met them.)

In our relatively new world of online influencers, creating these dynamics often seems to be the actual goal.

Why This is Unethical for Coaches

The problem arises when coaches enter into a professional contract with a client. As coaches, we are bound by our ethics to do the opposite of fostering parasocial dynamics:

We create a purposeful, client-centered container for the layered and complex hopes, dreams, and challenges our clients bring.
We intentionally avoid oversharing personal details to protect the integrity of that space and prevent entanglement with our clients.

When I noticed many coaches leaning into influencer vibes—putting everything out there—I grew concerned. It felt like a bait-and-switch for clients, who believed (by design) that they might have a personal connection with a potential coach. The problem is, such a connection is completely incompatible with a healthy coaching relationship.

This felt deeply wrong.

Understanding Parasocial Relationships

Research from a 2002 paper in the British Journal of Psychology identifies three levels of parasocial relationships:

Entertainment-Social: Rooted in entertainment. We enjoy reading about someone or watching them on TV but don’t feel a personal connection.
Intense-Personal: The connection becomes emotional. We relate to or idealize them, feeling personally invested in their successes and struggles.
Borderline-Pathological: An unhealthy attachment. We feel obsessive or compulsive in following someone, unable to separate fantasy from reality.

I realized that Level 2 was being intentionally nurtured by more than a few high-profile coaches—and seen as a viable strategy by newer ones. For those of us working with emotionally fragile or dysregulated clients, this could even create fertile ground for nurturing a Level 3 experience.

So, let me be clear: none of this should ever happen.

Illustration of a coach reflecting at his desk with an open journal, symbolizing clarity and boundary-centered marketing decisions.

I Pulled Back & Reassessed

Several months later, I’ve gained clarity on how I want to navigate this. I’ve never been one to overshare my personal life in my marketing—it’s always about you. But I also didn’t want to feel like I couldn’t share meaningful moments.

Here’s where I've landed:

Sharing focused personal details as a way to illustrate a concept is not only acceptable but important. However, I will do so in alignment with my values and integrity, ensuring it never compromises the client-centered container essential to coaching.
I want potential clients to get a sense of who I am and feel a genuine connection that helps them understand the kind of coaching I offer. But I will not foster an unearned familiarity to manufacture that connection.

This approach feels good to me.

An Invitation to Reflect

First, let me say that most of us in the helping professions intuitively understand this already, which is great news. But it’s also a topic worth discussing openly, giving us the chance to check in with ourselves.

Marketing with integrity isn’t just about protecting our clients—it’s about building trust in a way that fosters the healthiest, most supportive spaces for growth. It’s a process worth navigating thoughtfully and independently.

So, I encourage anyone in a similar space to take a moment and reflect. It’s a worthwhile exploration to ensure our integrity stays intact.

We deserve it, and our future clients deserve it, too.

If you’re navigating the tension between visibility and integrity in your business—

That’s the kind of work I love to support. Coaching can help you find your way forward with more clarity and courage.

See coaching options here →